Dreamcatcher
by shinigami82
Summary: Duo's hesitation on giving comfort to Heero when he had nightmares. Shounen ai (1+2)


Dreamcatcher By: Shinigami82  
  
I find it hard to live in L2 Colony sometimes. I miss earth.. although I lived most of my lives in this rotten colony I call home. Earth is where I was born. I was a free spirited young boy when my parents decided to move out from earth. Living in earth became unbelievably expensive that we just couldn't afford it. Not long after we moved to L2 Colony, when I was about 10, my parents got killed, by OZ soldiers commanded by a famous person named Treize Kushrenada, who wanted to dominate the colonies. I wonder why since this particular colony has nothing to offer.  
  
Anyway, I managed to run away, survived and became an orphan, living in the streets, stealing food to survive along with other rascals like me. Until I met Father Maxwell and Sister Helen who took me into their church and taught me the background of Catholic and brought me up with it. I wasn't really a religious person. I don't believe in any religions they thought me in this colony. I thought at first, well these guys were nice to me and took care of me, why not give them the satisfaction of actually believing in their religion? I know it was kinda mean, but what would you do if you were in my shoes?  
  
I tell you why I didn't believe any of their beliefs; my father is a Native American. Yes, he was an American-Indian. While my mother is an European- American. So, I'm a mixture. Now you know why I miss earth so much, and why I don't believe in any religions. I was 7 when I saw my last sunset. I remembered how beautiful it was. Looking at sunset from colony is different from seeing it from earth. I remembered running free along the grass and swim along the fresh watered river while my friends; horses, rabbits and otters were there to give me company. I believe in spirits, and superior being, I believe in nature; earth, wind and fire.. I believe in freedom, fly away like an eagle and run free like a horse with no boundaries.. That was why my father gave me a name 'Black Eagle'. Because my father wishes me freedom and happiness.  
  
But now, my life is far from my father had always dreamed. I became restrained, and know no happiness. I became a Gundam pilot, and have tasks to destroy any obstacles that lay in my way, I became a person who's full of joke, as my life has been, although I cry, weep, and wail inside that I ended up like this. I'm so full of hate because war took everything who are dear to me. I have no one to turn to. My parents, Father Maxwell and Sister Helen who have been coping with me, a stubborn little child, had been taken away from me. I became a person who kills, destroys, and annihilates. I didn't care about anything anymore.. I became the God of Death.  
  
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I may not be the only one who feels like this. My comrades may be do as well. There were 5 of us, 5 of Gundam pilots. We were 16 back then. Except Trowa Barton, he was the oldest one, 17, and the most silent. His emerald eyes are always sad, one is hidden underneath his brown bangs most of the times. And yet, Quatre Raberba Winner, found more of a Trowa than who he is. I always found him mysterious. No one knows how he really is. But hey, no one's complaining, the little blonde Arabian knows what he's doing. Obviously, he discovered that Trowa is probably more gentle inside than his looks. Quatre has the softest voice, loves tea and hates fighting, but yet he still does it along with his regrets. Wufei Chang, this Chinese boy has a strong belief in justice. I wouldn't say obsessed, although it may look like he is. He once lost the one he loved, that's why he acted like he is. He doesn't have much to say either, but he say things in his head, never once doubted his principles even if it can be wrong for everyone else.  
  
Aah.. Heero Yuy.. The last but not least. He is, I have to admit, the main attraction of all being a Gundam pilot. He is lovely.. I mean, lovely.. he really is. He has dark cobalt eyes, they are deep and cold.. and his short dark brown hair, it's just messy, and almost covers his eyes. That's the beauty of it, though. He never replies to anyone's comment, he obeys orders, and most of all, I couldn't sleep all night just because I could hear him typing on his goddamn laptop. It was bugging me at the time coz I'm his roommate, you see..  
  
Heero is the leader of this Gundam group, he tells us about the mission we ought to cover, the tactics on accomplish them, etc. He was called "The Perfect Soldier", because he is just tough, inside out. No feelings allowed, self-destruct if he really needs to, and kills like a killing machine. But I know more about Heero than anyone else in this bunch of killing machines. He had nightmares at nights...  
  
How do I know this? Well, coz he mumbled in his sleeps almost every night. Sometimes he would awake and sat on the bed for several minutes with his heavy breathing and his eyes wide open. Then he would look at me, who was always pretending to be asleep, just to check whether I was awake and hear the whole thing. He never knew that I heard and saw everything. I never stopped wondering what was it that "The Perfect Soldier" could be dreaming about that made him look so frightened and sad at the same time? Although me and Heero are closer than anyone in the group, since we are roommate and get to do the same mission together almost every time, I would never dared to interfere with his privacy. That's why I never wanted to ask him what was it that he dreamed every night.. I don't know whether I respected his privacy or I was just afraid to ask him.  
  
One cold night, seemed like he was having the nightmare again, because I remembered waking up and I could hear Heero was murmuring something again. I didn't know what came into me that I managed encouraging myself to walk over to his bed and sat myself just next to his body. His eyes are clamped shut, his head was thrown to left and right, and I just couldn't catch what his mouth was mumbling about. I reached for his forehead and brushed his damp bangs off his face. He must have had shocked himself awake, because the next thing I knew, I stared into his deep, sad cobalt eyes. He bolted himself up on the bed, so then he was sitting up, and breathing heavily.. It took him several seconds to realize that I was sitting next to him. I almost jumped in horror when he shot a glare at me.  
  
"How long have you been sitting there?" Heero suddenly threw a question at me.  
  
"Long enough to wake me up at 3 o'clock in the morning..." I said with a slight smile. "...anything that you think you can share with me, Heero?" I finally asked with a tone of concern in my voice.  
  
Heero brought both of his hands to his face, unable to say anything to me. Then I could see he shook his head as a sign of "no". I could understand that he was too embarrassed to share anything that was too deep within his heart. So, I was kinda expecting him to give me any sign of "no" anyway. Then, I decided to walk back to my bed, although I didn't want to leave this hanging, and wanting him to sleep well tonight. Sigh, how much I wanted to embrace him. But there was no use to force Heero into anything. Or he would put his gun to your head and mumble "Omae O Korosu" to your face. I lifted my blanket and slid myself underneath it, facing away from Heero. I could hear my heart screamed to me to hug him and comfort him, I just couldn't. I didn't want to force my feelings on Heero. I cared so much about him. I just didn't want to see him in pain. No matter how much I wanted him to know, I couldn't do anything, and that was killing me...  
  
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The next morning, I woke up and realized that I had something in mind to make Heero's nightmares to go away. I have this thing given by my father called "Dreamcatcher", which in Indian beliefs, and by its name, it will catch your dreams. Nightmares I meant. This thing meant to be hanged on top of your bed. It is a circular thing with a few feathers hanging down from it. It's very Indian-ish I tell you...  
  
Well, when everyone was having a breakfast, in the dining room, I could see a shot of Trowa cooking French toast which seem he made for everyone, with Quatre hugging him from behind, laughing about only God-knows-what, and shot of Wufei reading a newspaper, but I couldn't see Heero anywhere. Before I could ask anyone anything, I heard Wufei mumbled "He's outside..." I looked at him and smiled,  
  
"Thanks, Wu!" I yelled cheerfully while turning my heels and headed outside, while I could see Wu was waving his hand to me but his eyes were still on the newspaper.  
  
Outside, Heero seemed to be just staring at the sky. I stopped and stood approximately 2-metre away from where he was standing, not wanting to destroy the atmosphere. I didn't know whether my eyes were fooling me, or they were seeing what I was seeing. I could see a crystal tear running its way down his cheek. Heero was crying. Heero was crying? But then in a second, he straight away wiped his tear with the back of his hand. I shook my head back to reality, and called out,  
  
"Heero!"  
  
He looked back over his shoulder and gave me that famous warning look, as if they were screaming "Back-off!" But I didn't care, I walked over to him anyway, with this Dreamcatcher in my right hand.  
  
"Heero, here!" I said, handed him the miniature Dreamcatcher to his hand. The real size of the Dreamcatcher was a lot bigger than what I have. But they have the same meaning.  
  
Heero gave my Dreamcatcher in his hand a look, and then looked at me questioningly, with one eyebrow raised, and looked back at it. Then he finally looked at me again, and asked,  
  
"What's this?"  
  
"It's called a "Dreamcatcher". Indians use this to hamper bad dreams. You have to hang it on the ceiling, on top of your bed. That way, I bet you won't have nightmares anymore!" I explained to Heero with a big smile on my face.  
  
He, unexpectedly, and very slightly, showed his rare smile. He then finally said,  
  
"This better be working, Duo. Otherwise..." he suddenly stopped.  
  
"Otherwise?" I asked him curiously, with my hands on my hips and jerking slowly my head forward, closer to his head.  
  
"Omae O Korosu.."  
  
"I should've known that you would say that!"  
  
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That night, I was once again awaken by the sound of Heero's murmuring. I turned my head to see Heero on the other end of the room. I could see the Dreamcatcher on the ceiling, hanging in the dark.  
  
Ádjusting my eyes to the dark surrounding by blinking my eyes a couple of times, I finally able to bring myself to sit up and took the initiative to walk over to Heero's bed, and sat next to his trembling body. I rested my hand on his cheek, feeling the moist skin. I caressed it for awhile, but before I knew it, I pulled my hand away when he opened his eyes and looked back straight at me. We stared at each other in the dark for awhile until he finally broke the silence,  
  
"The Dreamcatcher you've given me didn't work, Duo..." he said with running breath.  
  
"That's because you don't really believe that the Dreamcatcher will 'catch' your nightmares, Heero... You really have to believe it." I explained.  
  
"Hn.. probably.." he said again weakly and slowly drifted back to sleep. His eyes gradually closing his eyelids.  
  
I could only smile looking at his cute reaction. I could hear myself whisper "Oyasumi" while my hand was caressing his cheek once again. I rose from his bedside, and started walking back to my bed, sliding into the blanket and trying to go back to sleep.  
  
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I hate to tell myself that Dreamcatcher of mine wasn't seem to be working on Heero. Some nights he still woke up in horror and heavy breathing. Those nightmares were still haunting him. What was it that he was dreaming about can cause him such fear and pain? And most of all that why that I wasn't able to help him at all? I wanted to help him but I kept withdrawing myself, afraid to cause confusion to his emotions. A Perfect Soldier is not meant to feel, right?  
  
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One night, I found myself sitting on Heero's bed, again. Looking at him, mumbling in his sleep. I was so concern about him. I wanted to be able to take those pain away from him.  
  
After several seconds, he opened his eyes and I could see the pain again, so deep that you couldn't just read them. But this time, I could see a single tear strolling down his eyes. He was staring up at the ceiling, at my Dreamcatcher it seems, and then to me. I was almost scared of his looks, but I braved myself to wipe his tears away with my finger. He finally whispered my name softly,  
  
"Duo..." his voice was swallowed by his soft sobs, when he tried to lift himself to a sitting position.  
  
I couldn't do anything but to give him my look of concern, and I couldn't bring myself to believe what was happening, Heero was actually spreading his arms to embrace me and brought me closer to him. I could feel his chin was resting on my shoulder. Heero's body was shuddering slightly against my body, he was embracing me like there is no tomorrow. I tried to calm myself, and embraced him back. My hand was running up and down his back, to assure him that I was there for him. I was waiting for him to be ready. Ready to tell me what are those dreams that he kept having every night.  
  
In a minute or so, he pushed me away slightly, and his eyes met mine. Then he hesitated and looked away, but he finally spoke,  
  
"I can't get that image out of my head, Duo..."  
  
"What image, Heero?"  
  
"The image of the little girl and her puppy.. I killed them in one of my missions, Duo.. I accidentally pushed the button which connected to the bombs I set on the buildings I meant to destroy. But I didn't realize that the girl and her puppy were still within the range... She.. she.. approached me when I was lying on the grass just before the mision, she gave a wild flower and asked me, "Are you lost, Onii-chan?" but before I could say anything, she turned away and ran with her puppy..."  
  
Heero's voice is trembling right from the start. It seemed to me that it took a lot of efforts for him to actually to spat them all out of his system. Heero looked as if he felt relieved that what he had been trying to hide was thrown out. I could only hope that he felt so much better...  
  
"..I killed them, Duo.. I killed them.." with these last words he turned down his head and sobbed some more.  
  
This time, I was the one who reached for his embrace, and let him cry. I was running my fingers in his soft, dark brown hair and tried my best to comfort him,  
  
"It's okay, Hee-chan, you didn't mean to kill the girl and her little puppy.. you didn't know that they were still there.."  
  
"My emotionless attitude was killing them, Duo... I'm tired to be a Gundam pilot.. I'm tired of following orders, I'm tired of living, and..."  
  
I didn't know how it came up to me, I just couldn't stand how he said the last words.. can't stand of living.. so, I shut him off by kissing him on the lips, covering his soft, trembling lips with mine. Although I couldn't see him, but I could tell that he was a bit shocked, I guess... Well, how couldn't you? Your roommate and comrade all of a sudden just came up to you and kiss you on the lips? You must have been shocked...  
  
After 2 seconds, I let myself go from the kiss, and then I prepared myself from any circumstances that would probably make me fly in the air and hit the wall. But then I waited, and waited, I opened an eye to see what would his reaction be after I kissed him. When I looked at him, with my hands still on his shoulders, I saw him looking at me, slightly startled.  
  
"Duo?" he asked me with his index and middle finger on his lips, as if he could still feel the kiss.  
  
"G.. gomen, Heero! I.. I just couldn't stand at the fact that you said you are tired of living! I mean, I love you! I don't want you to go away, I don't....." before I could finish my sentence, I felt his hand softly swiped my tears away. I didn't even feel that my tears were running, when I said to him that I love him.. I couldn't believe that I finally said those words!  
  
"Honto ni? Duo...? You... love me?" those cobalt eyes suddenly softened, looking down on me. The eyes I could never thought can be so meaningful held a thousand words at the time. I was about to say something when I realized I couldn't spit it out, so I just replied with a soft nod, slightly embarrassed. A million questions running in my brain. What if Heero is going to hate me? What if Heero becomes disgusted at me? What if.. what if... too many what ifs, I couldn't think clearly!  
  
Before I could think for another what ifs, I could feel his index finger lifted my chin up, so he could see my eyes. And then he moved his head forward, closer to me. He tilted his head to the side when he got oh so close to me. When his lips touched mine, I could feel shivers went down my spine. It felt so... sigh... like heaven! I don't even know if heaven could feel as nice as Heero's kiss. Our kiss became bolder by the minute, and the cold night turned out to be not so cold night, I could feel my face flushed. Heero pushed me slowly, without breaking our kiss, laying me down on his bed, so he was on top of me.  
  
The next thing I knew, our clothes lay abandoned on the floor and the bed. Heero's cupped my face with his hand on my face, his eyes, filled both with love and lust, looking down on me. His other hand was reaching on the end of my braid, undone the elastic, and let my hair loose.  
  
"Ai shiteru, Duo.. " and then he kissed me again and moving his kiss downwards. I felt like fainting right at that moment, feeling Heero's kiss and touch all over my body felt like... oh God.. I couldn't describe it. I remembered spending the whole night sharing our deepest emotions and feelings. We became one...  
  
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The next morning, I remembered waking up in Heero's bed, on my stomach. And someone was playing with my loose hair. I blinked my eyes as the sun shone through brightly. When my eyes were adjusted to the brightness of the room, I could see Heero, bare-chested, next to me, his head was resting on his hand, elbow on the mattress. I remembered giving him a smile;  
  
"Ohayo.." I probably said with my sleepy eyes and stretching a bit.  
  
"Ohayo, koi..." he replied, still playing with my hair.  
  
He looked at me for awhile, while I was still smiling sheepishly at him, my face was probably flushed again, remembering what a passionate night we had. Then his voice broke the silence;  
  
"You know what, Duo?"  
  
"What, Hee-chan?" I asked curiously, while his face showed a little surprised on what I just called him, but he didn't seem to mind.  
  
"I didn't have that nightmare last night..." his hand now rested on the back of my head.  
  
"Really?"my eyes widened, not believing what I heard, also at the same time remembered that I didn't wake up from Heero's mumbling and slept like a baby in Heero's arms.  
  
"I realized..."  
  
"You realized what?"  
  
"That you are my "Dreamcatcher", Duo..."  
  
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End file.
